i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
