Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
