So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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