i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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