You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
