Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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