i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
