to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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