Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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