I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
