my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
