I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
