i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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