I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wrigley field is MILF paradise
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
