I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
