Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
