i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
