genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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