Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
