walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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