there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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