so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize