He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
