Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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