Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
