You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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