You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
