i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
