The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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