Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
