a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
