You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
