it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i love accidental penises.
Four minutes until I can fart!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
