I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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