Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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