If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
