Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
