Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize