matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
