you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
