i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
