i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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