I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
