he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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