it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize