Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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