GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize