I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
