I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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