so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize