Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
