tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
