Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
