Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
