i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just high enough for therapy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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