2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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