You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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