What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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