i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize