I want to make a zoo with you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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