Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
