Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
