am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
