Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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