When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
