We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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