LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
