oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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