I wish I could punch you in the face.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
