Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
