I hate your face
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
