So drunk its hurt
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
handjob tips. give me some.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
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