its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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