My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
