Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
