I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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