True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do vagina's smell?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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