just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
