I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
