And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
