Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
