Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
