on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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