I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize