mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
