I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Vodka?
Forever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
