One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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