no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
