We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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