I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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