my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
