i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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