she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
