"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
