I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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