You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
