Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
